Bah! Humbug! I say, to all you Halloween lovers out there – all gazillion of you.

I know I’m in a minority here. I’m fully aware that Halloween is now second only to Christmas in holiday sales for retailers. And, as sadly happens each year with the marketing of Christmas, sales for all things Halloween begin earlier and earlier.

This year, it seemed like the Halloween specialty stores started opening right after the Fourth of July.

In fact, I’m (pleasantly) surprised that America’s annual creepfest hasn’t actually been promoted to national, take the day off, holiday status, like the Fourth of July and Christmas.

Now that would be really spooky.

Why do I hate Halloween? Mainly its celebration in America has become too over the top, too expensive and too … ghoulish.

 

I was OK with Halloween when I was a kid. It was just something we did for fun once a year in our own neighborhoods, and it certainly wasn’t the super “big deal” it is now. In my neighborhood, the closest most of us came to costumes was using what we had on hand to dress up like cowboys and cowgirls or hobos, pirates and ghosts (with ghost costumes being nothing more than an old, white sheet with eye holes cut out of it).

I think sixth-grade was the last time I went trick or treating until I was a grown-up married woman with children. And the main reason I went was because a bunch of friends from my church and neighborhood were trick or treating for UNICEF donations. Of course, we still didn’t mind if somebody wanted to stick some cookies, apples or candy for us in our collection bags.

My true loathing for Halloween must have started the year the first of our five children was old enough to toddle/be carried around the neighborhood to trick or treat. Whatever possessed us to start taking babies and toddlers trick or treating? It was always way more trouble than fun.

When all of our kids were little, we lived out in the country where houses were so far apart you had to drive at least a quarter of a mile to see a neighbor. Then you had to get all the kids out of the car in their wet costumes (it always rained on Halloween in the Midwest), trudge up to the house (hoping and praying all the farm dogs were either penned up or friendly), yell trick or treat, get the candy, say thanks, trudge back to the car and repeat the experience until your gasoline, stamina and, finally, your children, were exhausted.

Oh, and don’t get me started about the candy and the costumes. Only about a third of the BILLIONS of dollars in sales generated each year by Halloween sales ($6 billion most recently, I’ve read) now come from candy. But I don’t see how that is possible with current candy prices being so expensive. The candy is the only part of Halloween that my husband likes. He doesn’t mind us buying lots of it for trick or treaters, as long as we get a little extra for him.

And the costumes? If only I could be one of the artsy-craftsy types who can sew and design and make things that look right when they’re finished, maybe I wouldn’t get so agitated about the subject of costumes.

One year, our poor kids gave up and made their own. Our oldest son and one of his friends made a papier-mache twoheaded monster that created such a mess that although I thoroughly cleaned it all up, for the next two months bits of paper mache would mysteriously materialize to annoy and haunt me.

Our oldest daughter concocted an ear of corn costume to wear to her homeroom Halloween party and we thought it looked pretty good, until a girl in her class showed up in a storybook perfect Little Bo Peep’s dress her mom had whipped up complete with bonnet and shepherd’s crook. And, she was leading a real lamb!

Now, even those lacking the costume inventing/making gene, like me, can buy just about any kind of Halloween garb their kids’ little hearts desire – if they can do without groceries for about a week.

But there’s something else about Halloween I really don’t like these days. Many costumes, decorations and events (most especially, any movies) with a Halloween theme seem to be too frightening for children and even some adults. That’s why many families may prefer this month to attend church parties or events that focus on celebrating the “real saints” aspect, instead of the spooky aspect, of “All Saints Day.”

However you choose to, or not to, observe Oct. 31, dear readers, please do so safely while remembering our company motto: “Have Fun!”

Linda Seubold, editor of Entertainment Fort Smith Magazine, can be reached at lindaseubold@efortsmith.com. Read her archived columns and articles online.

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